my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
