I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
