You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
