I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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