So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
