On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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