just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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