i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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