apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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