My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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