how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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