Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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