If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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