he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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