That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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