Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
