Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
