we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
