I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You smell like stripper and shame
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
