yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
