You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
