You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
