Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Shitshow foam night was such a success
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Drunk is a universal language darling
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