we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize