Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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