My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
