i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
