I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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