I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
