the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My cat gives me a boner
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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