or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will pee on everything he values.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
