This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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