im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
