U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
