Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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