just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
