Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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