just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
