I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize