Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
