i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
