i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
