Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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