it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
