as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
