The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
