Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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