i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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