I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
