2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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