It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You ruined the universe
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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