it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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