im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
