So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
