My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
