Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
