my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I could fuck to npr.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
