so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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