i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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