with your own penis?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
