I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
