I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
