he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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