hotel room ftw
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
