So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
