You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
